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Am I Responsible for My Own Life?
What is my part in what has gone wrong?
by Arline Rowden, Reiki Master Teacher & Certified Acupressure Practitioner & Teacher © January 2016
Itís a part of the human condition to question whatís going on in life. Questioning is connected to the Crown Chakra. Am I a victim of circumstances, my family and cultural conditioning or do I really have power to create change in my own life? What is my responsibility for what is unfolding in my life? These are huge controversial questions to be pondered by people who are awake and on their own spiritual path.
No one, including myself, can or should answer those questions for others. But at times it might be helpful to hear how another person is approaching these issues. It might give others food for thought. So Iím just going to share some of my journey through these issues. Iíll share my best opinion at this time.
Iím not proud to share that for many years I did consider myself a victim in life. Iíve had my share of relationships and experiences that did not made me happy. There were many times when I thought it was pretty much someone elseís fault. If others would just treat me well Iíd be okay. I was a nice person, right? I only said or did something mean spirited as a reaction to others treating me badly, right? I was so sensitive that I felt I had to protect myself in the world.
Questioning has always been a big part of my life. I have read countless books, attended more classes & support groups than I can remember and had sessions with therapists and spiritual teachers over many years. Meditation and energy work (such as Reiki, chakra & acupressure) have given me tools for self-exploration. I love this quote by Lao Tzu ďKnowing others is wisdom, knowing yourself is Enlightenment.Ē
Studying about the etheric, emotional and mental bodies have provided a different perspective about myself. Iím so much more than my dense physical body. Iíve learned that just emoting doesnít release emotions and how they can get stuck within me and that meditation and body work can help to unstick them. But if I let go of emotions without understanding why I was holding on to them, they can just come back and get stuck again.
I studied about the instinctual natureís influence on our emotional nature and was amazed at how the instinct can actually cloud our ability to see clearly when itís afraid it wonít survive. Then it runs a subconscious program instead of allowing our thinking consciousness to decide what to say or do in the situation. These reactions can damage relationships.
When I looked back on my life and the painful situations that I had experienced I started to see some patterns in them. Recognizing patterns is part of the work of the 3rd eye or brow chakra as is clear seeing. I pondered why so many situations had similar themes to them. Could there be something inside of me that drew these same type of experiences to me over the years? What was my part in what went wrong in relationships?
Perhaps I had emotional wounds or faulty beliefs which created an imbalance inside of me. If my energy was unbalanced, it would try to achieve balance. It might do that by drawing to me a situation that would give me another opportunity to understand why I was holding onto the emotions or the belief that was unbalanced. So the good news is I would have another opportunity to heal, the bad news is that I would need to go through another similar experience which might not be very much fun. But if I understood it this time, I could let go of all of the related energy and find more balance in my life.
Iíve learned that when I start to feel emotional, although something outside of myself may have triggered the feelings, the cause is inside of myself. So I try to remember to give myself a time out to get in touch with what Iím feeling inside and support myself in that process. Once I have identified whatís going on inside of myself, I might share about what I experienced with others who were involved if that feels appropriate.
Through my journey of self-discovery and healing, Iíve come to accept that I am responsible for my own life and that I do have a part in what goes wrong in relationships and situations. At times, Iím not happy about knowing that Iím not a victim in life but it does give me power in my own life to make changes. But Iím learning to accept this wisdom more each day.
The serenity prayer can be very helpful with this process. The bottom line is that I cannot change others but I can change myself on many levels. So Iíll end with sharing that prayer.
God grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change;
Courage to change the things I can;
And wisdom to know the difference.
Note from Arline Rowden: If you havenít read my Emotional Hurricanes article or some of the other articles about emotions, etc. you can find them by following the link at the top of this website page. My Reiki Master Practitioner classes include Understanding Our Emotional Nature material and the Reiki Master Teacher Course includes the Emotional Behaviors material. Process Acupressure sessions are available by appointment.
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Chakra Classes, Reiki and/or Acupressure sessions and classes are offered by Arline Rowden in Janesville, WI
Please email for more info or to register for a class or schedule a session.
Arline Rowden is a Reiki Master Teacher, Certified Acupressure practitioner and teacher.